Creativity vs Perfectionism
For a long time, I had a goal that kept slipping away. I longed for creativity, but perfectionism kept me inert. A part of me had always defined himself as an artist, but my life said otherwise. I wasn’t creating – I was only consuming. I told myself I hadn’t landed on the right thing or that I just had more immediate priorities. Subconsciously, perhaps you will have guessed it, I was also afraid.
I had built the idea of this goal up and given it so much importance that it was just too scary to even try. The what ifs ran through my head. What if I failed? What if it sucks? What if I get no likes? … And for a long time, I stayed there, in the fear.
I made a short film that explores just this. The fear of a mistake. Blowing something out of proportion. Going nuts, and ruining everything in the process. Watch it below! – but first, read on.
Unlocking Creativity
Sometimes the recovery is stupidly simple. A small decision re-directs you and puts you on the path you longed for all along. Here is how I used creativity to beat perfectionism.
I caught my fear of failure and even though I didn’t yet know how to dispel it, I started to wonder how I could bypass it, at least temporarily. I tried sitting down and writing, but I couldn’t make myself. There were simply too many questions and excuses.
But as you know from part I, I am a good boy, and a good student. I will do what I am told. What if I found the people who would make me do exactly the thing I’ve been wanting to do?
So, I found a screen-dance course. The final project was to shoot my own film. A creative outlet, perfect. The genre was totally unfamiliar, but that’s why it felt safe: failure wouldn’t mean anything, the whole thing was an experiment. I led with play and exploration and… suddenly, for a time, there was no fear. What’s more, I achieved my goal. The film had festival screenings in Bulgaria, the UK, France, Canada, and Hawaii… which makes me feel that I achieved it big time.
I caught the myth of being a good student and decided to use it to my advantage. I took a course with a deadline on my very goal: to create. Before I could dispel the fear, I had to trick it. If you are where I was, i.e. petrified by fear, what’s your first trick going to be?
My Dance Film
I thought about the struggle of creativity vs perfectionism (that paralyzing idea that all spontaneous juices will waste before the fear of judgment.) The fear of ghosts. I started talking about these things and so many of my friends resonated and added to the story with their own. The result helped me learn something sacred. When the fear activates and stops me, I use it to check if things are safe, then choose to surrender to my desires and fall anyway.
Watch the surrealist tale ‘You Have Your Mother’s Eyes’ depicting a mother-daughter relationship and the desire to be good / good enough below.
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