Is ‘realism’ just an excuse not to?
My friend tells me that, to her surprise, a dash of delusion may work better than logic. The official term for what she’s describing is having a growth mindset wired for achievement. She takes me back to our time together at university. She reminds me of a psychology class I took, which she was too scared to do herself. Human Cognition.
At the time, the class felt too science-y and advanced for us second-years. My friend hadn’t done the prerequisite (and neither had I) and didn’t want to stain her GPA. Be realistic, she said. I, the fool, neglected her warning and gave my summer up to the study of the human brain. She wished me good luck cheekily.
I danced out my realism and seeped into fantasy again. What if I could do well?
I entered the big lecture hall and listened to the professor speak in terms everyone else already seemed to get. They were nodding along and contributing; I was scratching my head. Still, I was completely unfazed. There was nothing intimidating about not understanding a thing: wasn’t that why I was there, to learn?
Fast forward six weeks to the first of two exams. I get 50% – hardly even a pass grade. The test only carried 20% of the weight of the total grade, but it was certainly a slap in the face. My friend was so right, I think then, this class is totally out of my league. Wow did I feel stupid for getting into it. Now when I fail, I thought, it will stay on my graduation report.
Today, on my bedside table I have a thousand-page white brick of a book entitled Madonna: A Biography. It recounts the hardships the singer endured while steadily trudging on towards what seemed to everyone a total delusion of a goal. When I feel doubt, I flick through this or a playlist of Lady Gaga interviews and performances recounting the star’s journey to success. The two relay the same energy: they inspire fearlessness and self-belief.
But my faith in my own infinite potential did not start with pop culture. There is no such thing as I can’t! I remember mom saying. You can do anything you put your mind to. She encoded this growth mindset for achievement in my very young brain, and it still rings through me in times of need. My original icon is my own mother.
And as my heroes had taught me, I saw no other way but up.
I danced out my realism and seeped into fantasy again. What if I could do well? I locked myself up in my mouse-ridden apartment and spent the next few weeks swimming through class sheets and textbooks.
Then came the exam. I passed with over 90%. I came out with an A in the class: a whole letter above the average. My friend – shocked – cheered me on.
Realism is what we call our perceived limits. Magic means to stretch further out, allowing for the possibility of more.
Growth mindset in relation to achievement is the belief that we are all capable of evolution, improvement, and mastery over virtually anything, so long as we tackle it the right way and amount.
A lot of people ask me how I stay motivated in the face of adversity. Confidence may be more simple than we realize. When I feel a challenge coming on, I know how to prop myself up by remembering my strengths (knowing your birth chart is an incredible tool for this) and the things I can control.
Growth mindset in relation to achievement is the belief that we are all capable of evolution, improvement, and mastery over virtually anything, so long as we tackle it the right way and amount. Conversely, a fixed mindset imagines a lid: you are X amount of capable, attractive, smart, and gifted – something I often hear from people who (wrongly) describe themselves as realists. When you adopt a growth mindset, your confidence is stable because you are not scared of hitting a cap. You know that failure helps you reach higher: it’s just a matter of time.
These concepts are not new, and yet, we often have blind-spots. Where in your life have you become inert? Perhaps it’s in your ability to achieve, perhaps in the inverse: your capacity to rest and live a more balanced life. Whatever the case, I am just not good/ready enough only works so long as you keep saying it. This is your invitation to take the lid off and stretch outwards, away from logic and a little closer to the sky.
Make sure to catch Pt. II + III on how NOT to settle and on the myth of ‘talent’ by subscribing below. Your support means the world!